Lucifer Wants a Restraining Order

Hell Calls Me

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Lucifer Wants a Restraining Order

[Intro – spoken over distorted guitars]
Yeah…
Even Hell has limits.
And you just crossed ‘em.

[Verse 1]
I called his hotline at 3:03 AM
Just to ask if brimstone’s gluten-free again
Left a voicemail on the Horned One’s phone
“Hey buddy, just checking if you’re home alone”

I mailed him glitter in a cursed manila envelope
With a note that said “Hope is a slippery slope”
Now the imps all sigh when they see my name
And the fires down below don’t burn the same

[Pre-Chorus]
He tried to block me in the underworld app
But I found his alt in a cosmic Snapchat
Every pentagram flickers like “oh no, not you…”
When I show up with my chaotic crew

[Chorus – shout along]
Lucifer wants a restraining order!
Says I’m driving him straight over the border
Of sanity, vanity, infernal authority
He’s filing paperwork in eternal bureaucracy

“Please stop summoning me for karaoke night!”
“Stop rating my torture room’s lighting and mic!”
Even demons scream, “Bro, give him space!”
But I show up anyway with a smile on my face!

[Verse 2]
I RSVP’d to his eternal despair gala
Showed up late with a kazoo and a banana
Told Beelzebub his lair needs a remodel
Suggested hot yoga in the Lake of Fire puddle

I prank-called hell on a cursed Ouija line
Asked “Is Satan there?” every single time
Now the circle’s dead, the séance is banned
And I’m on every blacklist in the damned

[Pre-Chorus]
He installed firewalls, wards, and rage
Tried to trap me in a metaphysical cage
But I just left snacks and a mixtape behind
Now even his nightmares are out of line

[Chorus – louder, crowd chant style]
Lucifer wants a restraining order!
I’m legally banned from the molten border
Of his empire, his vibe, his demonic domain
But I keep showing up like “Miss me again?”

“Stop haunting my inbox, stop rating my sins!”
“You turned my apocalypse into a meme again!”
Even hell says “Dude, please behave…”
But I bring lawn chairs to the Judgment Day rave!

[Bridge – slow, ominous, then chaotic build]
He said, “Why me? Why this eternal torment?”
I said, “Buddy, I thought we had an arrangement…”
He cried in lava, signed in sulfur ink
“Just stay five universes away, I think”

But the parchment burned before it could dry
So I showed up again with a pie in the sky
And a banner that read in cosmic spray paint:
“Even Satan needs space when he’s feeling faint”

[Final Chorus – full riot energy]
Lucifer wants a restraining order!
Filed in triplicate at the edge of disorder
But I appeal every cosmic decree
‘Cause Hell without me just isn’t me!

“Stop!” he screams through the infernal roar
But I’m already knocking on the underworld door
With a grin, a banjo, and infinite spite—
“Hey Lucifer… you free tonight?”

[Outro – fading chaos]
Yeah…
Even the Devil has boundaries.
And I treat them like suggestions.