The Devil Fired Me
Hell Calls Me
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The Devil Fired Me
[Intro — feedback squeal & double kicks]
Yeah…
I didn’t quit Hell…
Hell quit me.
[Verse 1]
Clocked in late at the lake of fire
Hungover breath and burnt attire
Lost three demons in a poker game
Set a torture rack completely aflame
I spiked the punch with holy wine
Taught the damned a conga line
By midnight all the imps were smashed
And Beelzebub’s eyebrows got singed to ash
[Pre-Chorus]
The Devil stormed in, red-faced mad
Said: “This is the worst staff meeting we’ve had!”
I said: “Boss, relax, we’re having fun!”
Then someone karaoke’d “Highway to Hell” wrong
[CHORUS — BIG CROWD CHANT]
THE DEVIL FIRED ME!
(HEY! HEY!)
For partying irresponsibly!
THE DEVIL FIRED ME!
(HEY! HEY!)
Said I was a “liability!”
I drank all the brimstone, stole his throne
Used demon skulls as xylophones
THE DEVIL FIRED ME!
(FIRED ME!)
Now I’m banned for eternity!
[Verse 2]
Human Resources had a goat-head guy
He burst in screaming, “WE’VE HAD FIVE!”
Five what? I never got the list
’Cause a drunk gargoyle stole his clipboard mid-shift
I crowd-surfed over boiling tar
Started a pit in the prison yard
Even Cerberus wagged all three tails
Till I superglued tiny kazoos on his nails
[Pre-Chorus 2]
The Devil pointed at the door
Said: “We can’t insure you anymore!”
I said: “That sounds kinda fair…”
Then accidentally set his cape on fire
[CHORUS — LOUDER]
THE DEVIL FIRED ME!
(HEY! HEY!)
No severance package sent to me!
THE DEVIL FIRED ME!
(HEY! HEY!)
Just launched me through infernal heat!
I broke the jukebox, lost the keys
Started a chant with the banshees
THE DEVIL FIRED ME!
(FIRED ME!)
For excessive buffoonery!
[Bridge — Slow comedic breakdown]
Now I’m up here on Earth instead…
Sleeping on a futon bed…
Nobody chants, nobody screams…
And bars close way too early…
(growled)
I MISS THE CHAOS!
I MISS THE NOISE!
I MISS DRUNK DEMONS BREAKING TOYS!
[Final Chorus — Anthemic Party Finish]
THE DEVIL FIRED ME!
(HEY! HEY!)
Best thing that ever happened to me!
THE DEVIL FIRED ME!
(HEY! HEY!)
Now every night’s a catastrophe!
So raise your drink and stomp your feet
For unemployed infernal freaks!
THE DEVIL FIRED ME!
(FIRED ME!)
But the party lives in me!
[Outro — gang vocals fading out]
“You’re banned from Hell!”
“WORTH IT!”
“You’re never coming back!”
“STILL WORTH IT!”
(kazoo solo)