No Tipping Tonight
Girard
No Tipping Tonight
(Verse 1)
Well, I walked in the diner, it’s a quarter to nine,
I’m starving and tired, but I’m gonna save a dime.
The waitress is sweet, but she don’t know me well,
She’ll be waiting for a tip, but I’ve got a story to tell.
I asked for the water, not a soda or tea,
I’m counting my pennies, gotta be frugal, you see.
She says, “What can I get you?” and I grin ear to ear,
But tipping her extra? Nah, I gotta steer clear.
(Chorus)
No tipping tonight, I’m keeping it tight,
I’ll order the cheapest, I’ll be outta sight.
I’ll leave you a smile and maybe a joke,
But a tip on the table? Nah, that ain’t no hope.
It’s nothing personal, it’s just what I do,
No tipping tonight, I’m sticking to my view.
(Verse 2)
Now she’s pouring the coffee, it’s weak as can be,
I’m watching the clock, and it’s half past three.
She’s running her feet off, but I’m holding my ground,
In the world of cheap thrills, I’m the king, hands down.
I ask for the bill, and she’s hoping for more,
But I’ve got my excuse, I’m prepared with the lore.
I say, “Sorry, sweet lady, it’s just not my night,
The economy’s tough, I’m just trying to do right.”
(Chorus)
No tipping tonight, I’m keeping it tight,
I’ll order the cheapest, I’ll be outta sight.
I’ll leave you a smile and maybe a joke,
But a tip on the table? Nah, that ain’t no hope.
It’s nothing personal, it’s just what I do,
No tipping tonight, I’m sticking to my view.
(Bridge)
They say it’s the thought that counts, right?
Well, I’m thinking real hard, just to make it through the night.
I’ll offer a wink and a friendly “goodbye,”
But a couple of bucks? Nah, I won’t comply.
I’m not here to be cruel, I’m just saving my change,
Maybe next time I’ll be a little more strange.
(Verse 3)
The check comes around, it’s as high as my fear,
But I grab my jacket and head for the door with no tear.
I know that she’s watching, but she don’t know the truth,
I’m just a cheapskate, that’s my only excuse.
So here’s to the service, it was just what I need,
But I’ll leave you this note: “Best of luck and good speed.”
Next time, my friend, I promise I’ll pay,
But tonight, well, no tipping, not today.
(Chorus)
No tipping tonight, I’m keeping it tight,
I’ll order the cheapest, I’ll be outta sight.
I’ll leave you a smile and maybe a joke,
But a tip on the table? Nah, that ain’t no hope.
It’s nothing personal, it’s just what I do,
No tipping tonight, I’m sticking to my view.
(Outro)
So, no tipping tonight, yeah, I’ll be on my way,
Maybe tomorrow, I’ll change my ways.
But until then, my friend, I’m just here for the ride,
Leaving my pennies in my pocket, with my pride.